LISTEN/SILENT
What’s the old adage concerning the word LISTEN? Just rearrange the letters
and one discovers that the word becomes SILENT. Perhaps that old comment holds the key to good communication, whether
it is with a child or another adult. If each of us could hold onto our patience and our tongues long enough to listen
to what the other person has to say we would, no doubt, find communication a much easier task.
There are some other helpful pieces of advice that are worth consideration. Avoid
giving advice or making judgments too quickly. Ask the person for more information and details, both factual and emotional
so that the issue is clarified for both the speaker and you, as the listener. Although counselors are taught that self-disclosure
helps a person to feel understood, resist the urge to talk about yourself. The person in need of a good listener does
not want to hear, “Gee that’s too bad, you won’t believe what my kid did last night”. The person
gets the feeling that you are just waiting for a chance to talk and not really listening.
Pick the right time to talk. When you rush into the house after
a long exhausting day, it’s okay to give yourself some time before beginning an important conversation with your child
or spouse. Think about what you want to say and try and get to the point. It’s also a good idea to set time
limits. If you are overwhelmed don’t try and “squeeze” in a conversation that may frustrate you or
the other person. Agree on a time, a topic and a place to discuss important issues. Avoid blaming or generalizing
and keep silent unless you have something important to say…..you will soon be valued for your skills as a communicator.
Susan Mentzer-Blair, NCC, LP
Chair, MHS Guidance